A local mayor Kris Caustinian sent us a PM yesterday morning that word on the avenue is that the 'old folks are getting restless and they just won't plum take it no more'. At a rally for affordable housing Saturday morning, to mark the 150th anniversary of the first time real estate prices doubled in one year, many of the community's original inhabitants turned out in a major show of force.
It may have taken almost one-hour for the foursome to drive their four-wheeled electric scooters from the corner of Foul Bay to the Penny Farthing Pub, but the enthusiasm was described as "intense" by one on-looker.
"The way they're waving those Union Jacks and tooting those bugle-horns, you'd think it was VE Day all over again."So what was all the hullabaloo about? We caught up with Jack, Jake, John and Frank in the front of the pub to find out.
"We just won't plum take it no more," they said collectively before Frank's voice box battery gave out. "We've seen year-over-year growth that has made our modest homes into castles. This isn't what we worked so hard for all those years for."The "three J's and a F" (their gang's street name, apparently it gives them more 'cred') woke up on Assessment Day pissed that the local liquor shop was out of Pim's and they we're finally Paper Millionaires who couldn't celebrate.
"My grandfather didn't fight at Waterloo for this nonsense," stated John. "We didn't work so hard and contribute to the CPP and all those new-finagled social engineering projects like Unemployment Insurance so that you young folks could just stop having babies and start flipping our homesteads looking for an easy buck."He had me there. How was I to retort? So I ordered another round of Black and Tan's to general groans from the table: "You stinking Irishman, St. Paddy's day has been and gone. It's bad enough you get one day a year dedicated to you lazy louts, couldn't you have ordered us a Boddingtons?"
I could only reply with an explanation that the bank wouldn't give me an extension on my HELOC this year and it's all I can afford. I quickly changed the subject back to their protest and asked what it was they we're looking for as a response.
"It's quite simple really," Jake said. "The bastards at the [city hall] have got to start listening to us. We're older and wiser than they; even if we do forget to put our teeth in on occasion. These prices are unsustainable. Your youth is supposed to be about making babies and teaching 'em to play footie."We left that pub at 11am, thoroughly sloshed and in fine fetter, thinking how lucky we are to have the '3 J's and a F' fighting the good fight and sending the message of unsustainability to the local politicians behind the 'Tweed Curtain'. As we walked along singing God Save the Queen behind those scooters, I turned to my soon-to-be-wife and said, "Now we know why houses are so sought after in this part of town. And some call it sleepy?"
"Yes, not about working two careers each, flipping houses on the side, and complaining about no social daycare services," droned Frank-he'd changed the battery by now.
Happy April 1st everyone.